Coming
medincine
（
根据语境这里应是times
） is the era of
preventment medincine
(
改为health
) and self-care
medincine
（
拼写错误medicine
）.The role of families and society's health medicine will grow.
Sloving
(
拼写错误solving
) the problem of health education has become an important part of public modern health problems.
It is an very important( 仔细看一下，应该用an吗 ？) thing that carried out various health services, health education and health development. In the coming health medincine （ 多次拼写错误，注意 ）, health education and health development ,health protection will be the （ 删除the ） superior to the development focus. Medicine health's purpose is to protect the health of all people and reduce health hazards of factors, reduce diseases and improve the quality of people's health. To get this goal, the health education must be carried out. Enhanced ( 这里的过去分词结构的目的是什么？这既不是独立的句子，又不是属于哪个句子的成分。建议改成分词结构，并把前面的句号改为逗号，把这个现在分词结构调整成前面一句话的状语 ) the training of health education and personnel training to adapt to health education and person health requests.
Another question of the health education in our homeland is enhanced （ is to enhance ） community internets and development of community services. We should built ( 动词原形build )the health cases for every person and every family.
点评：7分
本文使用了一些语法结构与词汇，包含了内容的大部分观点，采用了适当的衔接手法，前后过渡比较自然，思维发散较好，但本文也存在一些不足之处，主要表现在：
内容方面，总体结构把握得不是很好，比较凌乱，正常的顺序是现状-原因-解决对策，但本文并未能提出解决对策，不符合一篇完整作文的思维；其次，语法方面，出现了大量的错误，一些句型的固定用法、名词的单复数形式、拼写错误以及句型的不通顺等，在上篇作文中亦有表现，这也是其他很多考生的易错点；最后，也是本文失分的最大项，即文章思路不够清晰，结尾处未能提出有效建议完成试题任务，故而老师这次打分较低，望多努力！
付出总有回报，最后一段时间内一定要再接再厉，考试即将来临，期待你的佳音，加油哦~~
It is an very important( 仔细看一下，应该用an吗 ？) thing that carried out various health services, health education and health development. In the coming health medincine （ 多次拼写错误，注意 ）, health education and health development ,health protection will be the （ 删除the ） superior to the development focus. Medicine health's purpose is to protect the health of all people and reduce health hazards of factors, reduce diseases and improve the quality of people's health. To get this goal, the health education must be carried out. Enhanced ( 这里的过去分词结构的目的是什么？这既不是独立的句子，又不是属于哪个句子的成分。建议改成分词结构，并把前面的句号改为逗号，把这个现在分词结构调整成前面一句话的状语 ) the training of health education and personnel training to adapt to health education and person health requests.
Another question of the health education in our homeland is enhanced （ is to enhance ） community internets and development of community services. We should built ( 动词原形build )the health cases for every person and every family.
点评：7分
本文使用了一些语法结构与词汇，包含了内容的大部分观点，采用了适当的衔接手法，前后过渡比较自然，思维发散较好，但本文也存在一些不足之处，主要表现在：
内容方面，总体结构把握得不是很好，比较凌乱，正常的顺序是现状-原因-解决对策，但本文并未能提出解决对策，不符合一篇完整作文的思维；其次，语法方面，出现了大量的错误，一些句型的固定用法、名词的单复数形式、拼写错误以及句型的不通顺等，在上篇作文中亦有表现，这也是其他很多考生的易错点；最后，也是本文失分的最大项，即文章思路不够清晰，结尾处未能提出有效建议完成试题任务，故而老师这次打分较低，望多努力！
付出总有回报，最后一段时间内一定要再接再厉，考试即将来临，期待你的佳音，加油哦~~
注意：本文归作者所有，未经作者允许，不得转载
